I’ve visited this place before
It’s lonely and cold
The ceramic tiles on my bare feet offer no heat at all
This is the last time I said last time
“Hey young man time to stop acting like a child.
Won’t you pick up the pieces and fit the puzzle back together?”
You can’t save me from the walls of habits I’ve built
After I’m done feeling sorry for myself I’ll go back to the start.
The same old silver tongue came back again
The voice I seemed to rattle out just led her closer
I said I’d been here before just never with her
Last time it didn’t hurt to bite
“Hey young man won’t you start being more mature?
Trying times call for you to nurse the wound you create.”
I dragged my pride through the mud, I’m so tired
Lord will I sleep knowing I did the best I could?
My legs tremble and shake to pick myself up off the floor
I’m taking the snake out of my mouth for the last time.
Taking out the garbage and washing the vomit out of the bathroom sink
I’ve lost my ability to write some flashy poem
An intricate way of telling you every feeling
My actions are clear how much I do adore
Every little way you cross your legs and lick your soft lips
Now all these lines just fill up empty space that’s everywhere, but our mattress
A place to go where all our love ignites into a beautiful song
You’re a songbird when I touch you there
I’ve lost it all before, but when you’re around we play hide and seek
Now look what I’ve found
All of those mistakes lead me right to you
And oh how I adore you girl
Do I, do I, do I , do I
I adore you love, my queen, my everything in this broken city
When your cold the world just turns it back on you
When your hot they find ways to extinguish you
And if your mediocre you might make it to college and get a degree and not know how to use
Kind of like my father who turned in to the police man
Now he’s wearing a security badge in downtown Boston
Or maybe you can be like my mother
Barely passing high school
Now she’s got a job answering phones for some faggot ass doctors
Hs doctrate says he’s capable of making all the wrong diagnoses and still gets a pay check for it
But instead I turned my back on the life of public schooling
Cheated my way through the system and saying fuck you I’m a war vet
But I don’t see no war around me
Just some douche bag Captain we saved in the far off land named Djibouti
Pronouced like booty for these pirates attacking big ships in little skiffs
Now I’m lost and just fumbled my last thought
I don’t know where I am
This must be hell
I don’t know where I’m going
I’m alone and depressed
These feelings of regret can get the best of you I know
So that’s why I speak words of uncertainty
And blast of at the mouth like I know what the fuck is bothering me
It’s killing me like cancer
My Nana left this world with it
Now she’s free to watch over me while I get it
Kind of fucked up isn’t it
So much for divine intervetion
We didn’t start it and we have no say in ending it unless we take ourselves out one by one
This suicide realm that bothers us
So many kids and adults that feel like there is no other shit to live for
So I’m dying ever so slowly like my ancestors that came before me
When I was a little boy you stole everything
You took my toys, my books, my clothes
Anything you could get your hands on
Your hands all over my good looks
Standing in the bathroom looking shook
You’re a crook
Here’s a nook take a cranny
Keep running in circles in your jammies
Daddy won’t catch ‘cause he’s not there
Peek-a-boo
Turn around Elizabeth
Your my friend
Your my cousin
Please don’t teach me what your daddy taught you
I’m too young to know how quit, but not to forget
It was you who played with my huevos
And this is me twenty years later calling you out
You made a mistake, but I don’t blame you
Even though it led me to the destruction, and the drugs, and the psychiatrist
And I’m growing on up and after you fall on your face
Get back up
I never talked shit about you like you did behind me
I just threw up one day and let God deal with it
And when it came back like vomit I spewed up
It looks like this song and sounds like your name
As my mind opened to the heaven’s above He reveiled to me a deep “not-so-extremely” secret gaze into the works of the wicker basket of the world. As I thought to myself where did all the saint’s go? He said,
“Spun around in the air like a tornado. Being tossed around up in her might seem pleasant or beautiful in a way, the whiping and the open space in which to breath, but when the dust riles up around you and their’s nothing but debris that you can see. You can seem how it might be stuffy. With no where to land or a place to crash. Continual chaos. A melodic mellow drama of winds in your ears and houses crumbling under God’s finger. From the outside looks like nothing you have seen or heard of before, and when it’s your turn to go, the walls just rip up around you. It’s just you and the seconds before you are executed by a farm from the east or trailor truck in the west you have time to do one more thing. Pray to God he forgives you of your sins. To the naysayers who rought their lives through the fibrics of society causing detriment and forced pleasure. So much pleasure happiness is hard to come by, because over time these pleasures break your soul until all is boring and life seems meek. Which is why I believe Thomas Jefferson saw it coming. I believe it when he said we were given the chance in “prusuit to happiness.” When luxuries are so easily given away we find ourselves a slave to mediocrity. If we give every child a crayon and tell them to draw a picture why does everyone’s drawing be great! How will a child ever know to get better. I feel more humbling expierences added with a bit of humility are nessecary in order for progress to occur. This doesn’t mean go tell your child he is worthless, just that he or she needs improvement. Constructive critisism. A road to preach in public and reprimanding in private, given the magnitude of the situation. Fore this world is not meek, yet we shall fight to secure freedoms and a botherhood in a country that could really use a friend. We are “One nation. Uner God. Indivisble. With freedom and justice for all.”
Well played sir. Well played.
I: I am embarking on a treacherous journey through wilderness. The book I had in mind may do better as a poetic screenplay! A young man in the ups and downs to find his own in the military lifestyle, but never forgetting what his higher calling is. He falls from the church and is brought back in to the mix with a supernatural twist. Some events will be things I have experienced. I intend it to be riveting and modern with a great soundtrack. A transgression of one’s self, a fight for what is right, and a monumental last stand. “The Diary Of A Writer: The Last Book.”
II: Please forgive the jumble but certain pages will be here, but not a lot. It’ll be deep and some times very dark and cryptic.
God slipped in the back door tonight. “This was all wastelands” He says to me. My eyes closed and wander around studying the area in my eyelids that lets in the most light. A coursing feeling came about and I just startled up. Moving in my seat God washed a hand upon me. As I lean back in my computer chair. “This night is ending . The future is about to change take hold Francis. A well deserved stitch in time. You went and ate with rats. You tasted their oats and barley. The everyday litter and wet food overflowing out of garbage. To each his own, but their is a better way and you shall lead these “Every-day Warriors” to salvation. My focus, My commitment to this is not all for nothing. Everyday I help protect the waters and find myself in ranks. I serve for you, for, her, for mom, for dad, my family, I serve for all mankind residing on Earth. We need our basic freedoms back without having to worry about espionage. America is a great land. I will live and and hopefully die here, but If things come… What is there left to do? I’ll make it out of here. I am not quite sure about you. May you be self sufficient and may you crops grow plentiful when the day is to come.
I can feel him Father. HE IS HERE! Damage in my room. On my way back to the center I found a carcass ripped apart. The blood poured down the table and into a cup. The Devil drank. The white face of a pure man. Damn, the devil wears his skins tight. Still I see through you. O’ Mother Mary cradle your arms and take care of my will. In this basin I’ll learn the secrets and surely my hands burn. My calloused grip around the can of a beer. A frosty cap that I drank to kill you. I drink to forget you. Our promise. You shall here but you’ll hear but two words from me, “Bartender whiskey”. I’ll lay my book down for a second. Just let me adjust to the atmosphere. Put the record on and we can play. Lets just hope gravity catches us tomorrow.
I let so many Demons in, in, in
Little do they know I will win
I let the light miss me
And I did it on purpose
I lived with the devil and he taught me well
I let so many demons in, in, in
Little do they know I’ll win
I chased a little red pill with a bottle
I grew to know that in here is where he hid
Into the dark I become engulfed
Overwhelmed? No!
It’s something I must do
I sold my soul
I took the words he had traded for my soul
I used them as knives to pin him on the wall
I let his blood drip into a pan
And let him taste his poison
Let him weep. Let him weep.
And on the floor he shall be
With my foot against his chest stealing the soul he stole from me.
I step into his dream
A lair in which I retreat
The focus of my pain
A dark and weary road
And the rod I hold to stand
His pasture grew of fruits
His necklace drew me in
A ruby red glass with drink
I drank and now my cup is bare
An empty forrest below the sand
Blood that stains these tired hands
I’ll rinse and scrub and burn them still
The blood remains on them
And into the lair in which I go
A future has been bestowed
To a better man
I lived in sin
Still you gave your wings away
Still I walk the line
Still I will survive
In these times I’ll retreat to the fully flourished Forrest
The tidy waves may seem so neat and sweet, but I have been out to sea.
By morning, your glory and red sun has risen
Time for lunch and the sharks come swimming
Nestled all cozy beneath your keel
Your hull gets cracked by the evening squall
Taking on water and your last chance to bathe to wash your sins away
So don’t take your boat out with a red sky by morning I’m warning
Just run into the woods with me
And wave your soul so graciously
In time with the trees and the vines, and the habiscus
Strikes a chord and hit a tune in the note of a bird
In the feathers that flap
I’ll be waiting standing at the top of a waterfall.
I’ve been stonewalled again!
By lavender wiffs and valiant bees pollenating in the summer breeze
Those blades that were cut to let their aroma free
A song bird sings above the trees
Her harvest filled us in the winter chill,
So light we’ll eat to restore the fields
A miracle it’s been that we made it here
Of harsher winds and dreadful years-
have been washed away with the spring time rain
As summer brightens our most feathered days
Treading our heels to the tune of a flute and chiming us into an autumn retreat
Oh free, Oh free
Let these arms do plee-
To the sky and then fall to the sides of our waist
With the crunch of the leaves that fall beneath our feet
And the time that it takes to season these years
Not a moment I’d waste touching your cheeks.