When I said I feel like I’m 18 again

She said be careful of the fall

And so I fell flat on my face

And another asked a question if I learned anything or if I just focus on how they changed me

I’m jaded and diseased by my own thoughts without a word that comes to mind but hate

Yesterday I cursed out God and told him to get the fuck out of my head

When I asked him to take my life from me

His reply wasn’t what I’d thought when he said I will only take it from you when you no longer feel this way

So what’s there left to live for

All the disease, corruption, and war?

God I really am sorry for the things I said, but it all just isn’t fair now is it?

That I have to live with you inside me more than most

So close to me and no one ever believes me

And we aren’t really in control of our own destiny, are we?

So I turned up the music to drown out the sound of my voice and the likeness in my head

I’m worn out like the cassettes I played so constantly before I sleep

And these drugs don’t work anymore

I’m sweating all the time

I’ve learned, but not my lesson, so I’ll make the same mistakes, because so long as I’m miserable I’ll live

That’s what you said

I’m scared and I fear that the day I go up it will feel like I’m drowning

Like the happiness will be too much for my fragile skin to take

My teeth will cringe in my head like I just took too many pills to stay awake